Flyleaf - Red Sam (for ALL self-mutilators...yeah it's a vulgar term, but appropriate)
Third Day ft. Lacey (from Flyleaf) - Born Again
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Why go to Church?
posted by a dear friend Lori on her FB....had to copy and share :)
If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this!
If you're spiritually alive, you're going to love this!
If you're spiritually dead, you won't want to read it.
...
If you're spiritually curious, there is still hope!
A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this.. They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing...... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
All right, now that you're done reading, send it on!
I think everyone should read this!
When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say,
"Jesus, could you get that for me?"
Friday, April 1, 2011
Resolving Conflict
This may be one of those remedial "duh" type of posts, but I really needed to hear this....so hopefully I am not the only one :)
(another email devotional from my wonderful Amanda)
There is no person who lives without some conflict in his or her life. Whether differences are happening in your marriage, with your kids, with a coworker or with a friend, there is no permanent escape from conflict in THIS life. Yet God calls for Christians to live a life of harmony with each other. Does this mean we are going to get along with everyone we meet? No. However, it does mean that we are supposed to live a life that strives for reconciliation, a life that is like an orchestra with different harmony and instruments, but one song.
So how can you make sure that you are singing the same song as your Christian brothers and sisters? When you face conflict, the first thing you need to do is ask God for help. God is the giver of wisdom (James 1:5). Next, face your conflict. It only causes more pain to run away from it (Proverbs 24:26). When you talk with the person, the next step is to take accountability for your part in the conflict (Matthew 7:3) and to make sure you are treating that person with respect by not using blaming or insulting language (Ephesians 4:31). As you speak with the person you are confronting, one of the most important things you can do is to listen. Do everything you can to understand where the other person is coming from (Romans 15:1).
Relationships matter to God. He desires unity for us and wants us to resolve our problems, not walk away from relationships over conflict. Reconciliation is the act of bringing harmony back into a relationship. It may take time for some of the emotional wounds to heal and to trust again, but God calls us to work towards this. The ability to forgive and to love each other through our sinfulness is one of the most beautiful aspects of the Christian faith. And while not every conflict can be resolved with all people, you need to make sure you have done all you can to resolve the conflict.
GOING DEEPER:
1. A friend used to tell me that you must always make sure your side of the fence is clean. How does this relate to this devotional and to you?
2. Are there relationships in your life that have conflicts that have been left festering over time? Ask God for wisdom to see your part in beginning to heal that broken relationship.
(another email devotional from my wonderful Amanda)
There is no person who lives without some conflict in his or her life. Whether differences are happening in your marriage, with your kids, with a coworker or with a friend, there is no permanent escape from conflict in THIS life. Yet God calls for Christians to live a life of harmony with each other. Does this mean we are going to get along with everyone we meet? No. However, it does mean that we are supposed to live a life that strives for reconciliation, a life that is like an orchestra with different harmony and instruments, but one song.
So how can you make sure that you are singing the same song as your Christian brothers and sisters? When you face conflict, the first thing you need to do is ask God for help. God is the giver of wisdom (James 1:5). Next, face your conflict. It only causes more pain to run away from it (Proverbs 24:26). When you talk with the person, the next step is to take accountability for your part in the conflict (Matthew 7:3) and to make sure you are treating that person with respect by not using blaming or insulting language (Ephesians 4:31). As you speak with the person you are confronting, one of the most important things you can do is to listen. Do everything you can to understand where the other person is coming from (Romans 15:1).
Relationships matter to God. He desires unity for us and wants us to resolve our problems, not walk away from relationships over conflict. Reconciliation is the act of bringing harmony back into a relationship. It may take time for some of the emotional wounds to heal and to trust again, but God calls us to work towards this. The ability to forgive and to love each other through our sinfulness is one of the most beautiful aspects of the Christian faith. And while not every conflict can be resolved with all people, you need to make sure you have done all you can to resolve the conflict.
GOING DEEPER:
1. A friend used to tell me that you must always make sure your side of the fence is clean. How does this relate to this devotional and to you?
2. Are there relationships in your life that have conflicts that have been left festering over time? Ask God for wisdom to see your part in beginning to heal that broken relationship.
Being TRULY Free
by Lynn Cowell (Amanda sent me this as an email devotional)
When I am free from ambition, I am free to serve with a joyful heart.
When I am free from selfishness, I am free from irritation.
When I am free from jealousy, I am free to rejoice in the good of another.
When I am free from judgment, I am free to pray from a pure heart.
When I am free from expectation, I am free to enjoy whatever comes.
When I am freed from controlling others, I am free to see the miraculous.
When I am truly free, I will see the Kingdom of God in my life.
That is what I want to see –the Kingdom of God come in my life. What is that going to take? It’s going to take tearing free from my own selfish thoughts and feelings. It’s going to take looking at things from God’s perspective. It’s going to take God’s help. In order to be free, I have to be free of ME.
Do you want to be free too? Free to find total and utter completion in Jesus?
Application Steps: It is normal as women to have moments when we feel like we just cannot give any more. We are spent. Choose to memorize today’s verse for those times when you need to serve and struggle to do so.
Reflections: Do I ever struggle with ambition, jealousy, expectation, selfishness, or control issues?
Choosing the one I wrestle with the most, I’ll apply Galatians 5:1 and claim my freedom!
Power Verses:
Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (NIV)
Psalm 119:45, “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.” (NIV)
© 2011 by Lynn Cowell. All rights reserved.
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
Galatians 5:13 (NIV)
Galatians 5:13 (NIV)
When I am free from ambition, I am free to serve with a joyful heart.
When I am free from selfishness, I am free from irritation.
When I am free from jealousy, I am free to rejoice in the good of another.
When I am free from judgment, I am free to pray from a pure heart.
When I am free from expectation, I am free to enjoy whatever comes.
When I am freed from controlling others, I am free to see the miraculous.
When I am truly free, I will see the Kingdom of God in my life.
That is what I want to see –the Kingdom of God come in my life. What is that going to take? It’s going to take tearing free from my own selfish thoughts and feelings. It’s going to take looking at things from God’s perspective. It’s going to take God’s help. In order to be free, I have to be free of ME.
Do you want to be free too? Free to find total and utter completion in Jesus?
Father, when I don’t get my “to do” list done, I am irritated and frustrated. When I am tired and one more person needs me, I feel angry and annoyed. Only You can free me of me, Jesus. I give You permission to do it! In Your powerful Name, Amen
Application Steps: It is normal as women to have moments when we feel like we just cannot give any more. We are spent. Choose to memorize today’s verse for those times when you need to serve and struggle to do so.
Reflections: Do I ever struggle with ambition, jealousy, expectation, selfishness, or control issues?
Choosing the one I wrestle with the most, I’ll apply Galatians 5:1 and claim my freedom!
Power Verses:
Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (NIV)
Psalm 119:45, “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.” (NIV)
© 2011 by Lynn Cowell. All rights reserved.
Ever get confused about
God/Lord/Jesus/Yahweh/Jehovah...???
ME TOO!!
What is the name of our Creator? "God" is not His name; it is His title. When the Hebrew name for God was translated into our English text, it was translated L-O-R-D with all capitals. But "Lord" is also a title, so people have become confused. They think that "Lord" is His title, and "God" is His name. But His name is actually Yahweh, or Jehovah. The name Jehovah is a verb in Hebrew meaning "to be" or literally "the becoming one." It is the name by which God chose to reveal Himself to us, the I Am, the Becoming One, as God becomes to you whatever you might need. Iam your healer-Jehovah-rapha. I am your provider-Jehovah-jireh. I am your peace-Jehovah-shalom. I am your salvation-Jehovah-shua. The name Jehovah-shua was shortened to Jehoshua, then shortened further to Yashua. In the Greek, Yashua is Jesus. So Jesus is the name of our God. He is Jehovah-shua. He is the One who has saved us from our sins. He has become our Savior.
(from http://calvarychapelcostamesa.com/)
(from http://calvarychapelcostamesa.com/)
When I was an "Almost Christian"
Before I was how I am now....I was what I would like to call and "almost christian." (Thanks Pastor Ken Peters @ Covenant Spokane for putting this term in my head (from John Wesley)) I really was so consumed by desire for OTHER things besides God and serving Him. Focusing on worldly things led me to worry, worry, worry and be the MEGA-CONTROL-FREAK! One Sunday at service, this message was given and it spoke to me. I needed to be more fruitful.....
After hearing this, it really made me re-examine my life and all that I was holding to be "important." I had been counting on myself, and not listening to God's word and promises. I re-prioritized, and low and behold.....I should have been trusting God and focusing on him all along...I would have had so much more peace through the storms.
Posted by Ken Ortize on March 18, 2011
…the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. (Mark 4:7,18-19)
Of all Jesus’ parables, the Sower is probably the best known and most appreciated. Recounted in Matthew, Mark & Luke, it explains how different people respond to the Gospel message.
First he describes the response of the non-Christian:
1) There is the person who hears but does not understand. Like seed on stony soil, the Word is unable to penetrate and takes no root, and therefore produces no fruit (Matthew 7:16).
2) Then there is the person who is entertained by the message, but as soon as it costs them something, they fall away. They too have no root and therefore no fruit. Jesus then follows with two kinds of Christians: One is fruitful, the other is unfruitful.
3) The unfruitful Christian is described as being like seeds choked out in a bed of weeds. The weeds are “the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things.” These folks have some fruit, but not much.
4) Lastly there is the fruitful believer.
How does the fruitful believer differ from the unfruitful? In their desires. The fruitful desire to make it their life’s mission, spreading the Gospel message.
But if one’s mission is to find my best life now, then I am not going to sink my roots deeply into Jesus. That requires sacrifices that I am probably not prepared to make (Matthew 16:24). Instead, we are controlled by a “desire for other things”, A life different from the one Jesus has for us.
No wonder so many Christians are sad and unfulfilled. They have been spending their time fulfilling the wrong mission. We want to write our own story, rather than telling the Jesus story.
We all want to be successful. Is your definition of success anything like God’s? Your definition may help you succeed in this world; but in the end you may be a total failure in the one thing that matters the most: Making Him known to the world by telling His story (Matthew 28:19; Mark 16:15).
So, How do you define success? What is your life’s mission? Make sure the ladder you are climbing is leaning against the right wall.
After hearing this, it really made me re-examine my life and all that I was holding to be "important." I had been counting on myself, and not listening to God's word and promises. I re-prioritized, and low and behold.....I should have been trusting God and focusing on him all along...I would have had so much more peace through the storms.
Proof of Jesus???!!!
(from http://calvaryspokane.com/home/about-us/kens-blog/is-the-virgin-birth-plausible)
the full post here from this link is entitled "is the virgin birth plausible"...but I just took my fave parts. Please check out the full post, it is amazing if you would like to take the time :)
Jesus’ life is an anomaly no matter how you look at it.
Dr James Allen Francis, in his memorable poem One Solitary Life, wonderfully illustrated this fact:
Another writer offered a similar perspective:
Jesus had no servants,
As one old Hymn explains…
Each of us has the right to believe whatever we want; but having a legal right does not inherently make that belief right. However, when it comes to Jesus, the Bible, and the Virgin Birth, I know I am right, because…
He lives within my heart.
the full post here from this link is entitled "is the virgin birth plausible"...but I just took my fave parts. Please check out the full post, it is amazing if you would like to take the time :)
Jesus’ life is an anomaly no matter how you look at it.
Dr James Allen Francis, in his memorable poem One Solitary Life, wonderfully illustrated this fact:
He was born in an obscure village,
The child of a peasant woman.
He grew up in still another village,
Where he worked in a carpenter shop
Until he was thirty.
Then for three years
He was an itinerant preacher.
He never wrote a book.
He never held an office.
He never had a family or owned a house.
He didn't go to college.He never visited a big city.
He never traveled two hundred miles
From the place where he was born.
He did none of the things
One usually associates with greatness.
He had no credentials but himself.
He never traveled two hundred miles
From the place where he was born.
He did none of the things
One usually associates with greatness.
He had no credentials but himself.
He was only thirty-three
When the tide of public opinion turned against him.
His friends ran away.
He was turned over to his enemies.
And went through the mockery of a trial.
He was nailed to a cross
Between two thieves.
While he was dying,
His executioners gambled for his clothing,
The only property he had on Earth.
When he was dead,
He was laid in a borrowed grave
Through the pity of a friend.
Twenty centuries have come and gone,
And today he is the central figure
Of the human race,
And the leader of mankind's progress.
All the armies that ever marched,
All the navies that ever sailed,
All the parliaments that ever sat,
All the kings that ever reigned,
Put together have not affected
The life of man on Earth
As much as that
One Solitary Life
Another writer offered a similar perspective:
Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher .
Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.
As one old Hymn explains…
I serve a risen Savior; He's in the world today.
I know that He is living, whatever men may say.
I see His hand of mercy, I hear His voice of cheer,
And just the time I need Him He's always near.
Chorus:
He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.
He lives! He lives! Salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart.
Each of us has the right to believe whatever we want; but having a legal right does not inherently make that belief right. However, when it comes to Jesus, the Bible, and the Virgin Birth, I know I am right, because…
He lives within my heart.
I have been forgiven, redeemed, and strengthened...
While reflecting on all that God has done for me....3 words came to mind: Forgiven...Redeemed...Strengthened.
I started with the dictionary.com def's:
for·give[fer-giv] verb, -gave, -giv·en, -giv·ing.
I started with the dictionary.com def's:
for·give[fer-giv] verb, -gave, -giv·en, -giv·ing.
–verb (used with object)
1.to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2.to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
3.to grant pardon to (a person).
4.to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.
5.to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.
–verb (used without object)
6.to pardon an offense or an offender.
re·deem [ri-deem]
–verb (used with object)
1.to buy or pay off; clear by payment: to redeem a mortgage.
2.to buy back, as after a tax sale or a mortgage foreclosure.
3.to recover (something pledged or mortgaged) by payment or other satisfaction: to redeem a pawned watch.
4.to exchange (bonds, trading stamps, etc.) for money or goods.
5.to convert (paper money) into specie.
6.to discharge or fulfill (a pledge, promise, etc.).
7.to make up for; make amends for; offset (some fault, shortcoming, etc.): His bravery redeemed his youthful idleness.
8.to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, by paying a ransom.
9.Theology : to deliver from sin and its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner.
strength·en
[strengk-thuh
n, streng-, stren-]
n, streng-, stren-] –verb (used with object)
1.to make stronger; give strength to.
2.Phonetics . to change (a speech sound) to an articulation requiring more effort, as from fricative to stop or nongeminate to geminate.
–verb (used without object)
Luke 7:36-50
Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman
36Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
39When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
40Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
41“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
43Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
44Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”
48Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
50Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
ME-Redeemed
3.to gain strength; grow stronger.
Next I went to my trusty Bible and looked up pretty much as many verses as I could containing each of those 3 words (not all together, lol). Yeah, it took a while but was SO worth it. It's funny to me after ALL (yeah, hours) of that reading that only ONE passage containing each of the words spoke to MY heart and was FOR ME (I felt). So I thought I'd share them :)
ME-Forgiven
Luke 7:36-50
Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman
36Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
39When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
40Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
41“Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
43Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
44Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”
48Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
50Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
ME-Redeemed
1 Peter 1:13-25
Be Holy
13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
17Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. 18For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
22Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24For,
“All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25but the word of the Lord stands forever.”
And this is the word that was preached to you.
ME-Strengthened
Be Holy
13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
17Since you call on a Father who judges each man’s work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. 18For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
22Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24For,
“All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25but the word of the Lord stands forever.”
And this is the word that was preached to you.
ME-Strengthened
Ephesians 3:14-21
A Prayer for the Ephesians
14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
It still blows my mind how much I have been able to change through God in such a short amount of time after being the same for SO long. It is HIS time-line, however.....and I will follow it without complaining (hopefully) from now on :) Thank you Lord for showing me these things and making them so solid in my heart so that I can take root in YOU!
A Prayer for the Ephesians
14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
It still blows my mind how much I have been able to change through God in such a short amount of time after being the same for SO long. It is HIS time-line, however.....and I will follow it without complaining (hopefully) from now on :) Thank you Lord for showing me these things and making them so solid in my heart so that I can take root in YOU!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
God of Scars
(taken from an email devotional via my bestie- Amanda M.)
Because I grew up as a classic Christian good kid (a heritage for which I am grateful), I used to look at folks who bore a few scars of their previously worldly life and sort of think, “Well, God bless them, but they can’t be used for Christ as much as I am, because I’ve never (insert a really destructive choice here).” Multiply the self-righteousness if the person had tattoos.
How wrong I was. Apparently I hadn’t really learned the story of Peter. Peter fascinates me because if anyone had big Christian scars, it was Peter. And what made it worse for Peter was that his epic fail came after living alongside Jesus for three years. He was the leader of the disciples. He’d seen Moses and Elijah on the Mount of Transfiguration. He saw Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead. He even walked on water with Jesus.
Nobody was closer to Jesus and loved Jesus more and was a better picture of a “strong Christian” than Peter. And yet, in the moment of decision, Peter found out just how weak he was. He did things he had long abandoned, like lying, cursing, and disloyalty.
This would be like the good school kid, raised with good parents, fed the Word of God, passed through Awana, and homeschooled... The kid who never drank a beer, had no tattoos, and virgin until marriage. Then suddenly he implodes and lives a life of worldly destruction.
What would we say about that? We’d say, well, he knew better. How could he abandon everything? What’s his problem? And silently, whispering in our minds, we’d also say ,”Well, he had such high hopes. Probably can’t be used much for the church anymore.”
But the gospel of John doesn’t end at John 18 (thankfully). And Peter’s story is just beginning. You see, while Peter’s denial surprised the disciples and the Jewish people and the Roman soldiers and surprises us today, it didn’t surprise Jesus. In fact, if you read the gospel accounts, Jesus actually predicted Peter’s fall—a few times. But in Jesus’ predictions of Peter’s failure, there was always a message of hope.
Peter, after you’re restored, comfort the brothers. Peter, you’re going to be part of the foundation of the church. Peter, I’m praying for you and you’ll make it.
Jesus knew Peter, the good Jesus-follower, would fail. And guess what? Jesus knows that we’re going to fail too. Fortunately, God’s plan of salvation doesn’t depend on Peter’s faithfulness and Dan’s faithfulness and your faithfulness.
God is still God when we fail. God is still God when we do something terrible and willfully sin against him.
The real story John is trying to tell in his gospel, is not about Peter’s failure or the lack of faith of the disciples or the machinations that put Jesus on the cross. No, the real story is simple. It’s that God loves us so much, that he sent Jesus to the earth to die to bear His wrath. Those who believe in Jesus have had their sins forgiven. Peter’s denial was forgiven before it happened. It’s the same with your sin.
You see, Jesus isn’t looking for lily white good church kids who never mess up. Which is good, because there are none of those. Even for those who never drink, chew, and go with girls that do, there is lurking inside their hearts all sorts of sin: malice, pride, wrath, anger.
No, the type of people Jesus is after are people with scars. People whose failure and weakness and sin has broken them to the point of dependence. Look at Peter in the book of Acts. Same guy, but this time he’s boldly proclaiming Christ, enduring prison and torture, and leading thousands to faith.
The self-confident good guy Peter couldn’t have done this. But now, every day between midnight and 3 am, when the cock crowed three times for the night watch, Peter was reminded of his epic failure. And down through history we’ve read his story.
But when he heard that crow and read his story in the gospels (even telling it himself through Mark), he was reminded of his need for Jesus every moment. HE was reminded that in himself he could do nothing. And, he was reminded that God only uses broken sinners.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like me....a recovering "cutter."
**Journal thought 3/26/11 @ 12:47 pm....while going to the bathroom...as I look down and see my wounds and scars, they don't hurt me anymore. I am not longer ashamed of them. Jesus had scars. He had to die. I had to die for this new life, so I am ok with my scars, no matter how ugly.
Because I grew up as a classic Christian good kid (a heritage for which I am grateful), I used to look at folks who bore a few scars of their previously worldly life and sort of think, “Well, God bless them, but they can’t be used for Christ as much as I am, because I’ve never (insert a really destructive choice here).” Multiply the self-righteousness if the person had tattoos.
How wrong I was. Apparently I hadn’t really learned the story of Peter. Peter fascinates me because if anyone had big Christian scars, it was Peter. And what made it worse for Peter was that his epic fail came after living alongside Jesus for three years. He was the leader of the disciples. He’d seen Moses and Elijah on the Mount of Transfiguration. He saw Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead. He even walked on water with Jesus.
Nobody was closer to Jesus and loved Jesus more and was a better picture of a “strong Christian” than Peter. And yet, in the moment of decision, Peter found out just how weak he was. He did things he had long abandoned, like lying, cursing, and disloyalty.
This would be like the good school kid, raised with good parents, fed the Word of God, passed through Awana, and homeschooled... The kid who never drank a beer, had no tattoos, and virgin until marriage. Then suddenly he implodes and lives a life of worldly destruction.
What would we say about that? We’d say, well, he knew better. How could he abandon everything? What’s his problem? And silently, whispering in our minds, we’d also say ,”Well, he had such high hopes. Probably can’t be used much for the church anymore.”
But the gospel of John doesn’t end at John 18 (thankfully). And Peter’s story is just beginning. You see, while Peter’s denial surprised the disciples and the Jewish people and the Roman soldiers and surprises us today, it didn’t surprise Jesus. In fact, if you read the gospel accounts, Jesus actually predicted Peter’s fall—a few times. But in Jesus’ predictions of Peter’s failure, there was always a message of hope.
Peter, after you’re restored, comfort the brothers. Peter, you’re going to be part of the foundation of the church. Peter, I’m praying for you and you’ll make it.
Jesus knew Peter, the good Jesus-follower, would fail. And guess what? Jesus knows that we’re going to fail too. Fortunately, God’s plan of salvation doesn’t depend on Peter’s faithfulness and Dan’s faithfulness and your faithfulness.
God is still God when we fail. God is still God when we do something terrible and willfully sin against him.
The real story John is trying to tell in his gospel, is not about Peter’s failure or the lack of faith of the disciples or the machinations that put Jesus on the cross. No, the real story is simple. It’s that God loves us so much, that he sent Jesus to the earth to die to bear His wrath. Those who believe in Jesus have had their sins forgiven. Peter’s denial was forgiven before it happened. It’s the same with your sin.
You see, Jesus isn’t looking for lily white good church kids who never mess up. Which is good, because there are none of those. Even for those who never drink, chew, and go with girls that do, there is lurking inside their hearts all sorts of sin: malice, pride, wrath, anger.
No, the type of people Jesus is after are people with scars. People whose failure and weakness and sin has broken them to the point of dependence. Look at Peter in the book of Acts. Same guy, but this time he’s boldly proclaiming Christ, enduring prison and torture, and leading thousands to faith.
The self-confident good guy Peter couldn’t have done this. But now, every day between midnight and 3 am, when the cock crowed three times for the night watch, Peter was reminded of his epic failure. And down through history we’ve read his story.
But when he heard that crow and read his story in the gospels (even telling it himself through Mark), he was reminded of his need for Jesus every moment. HE was reminded that in himself he could do nothing. And, he was reminded that God only uses broken sinners.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like me....a recovering "cutter."
**Journal thought 3/26/11 @ 12:47 pm....while going to the bathroom...as I look down and see my wounds and scars, they don't hurt me anymore. I am not longer ashamed of them. Jesus had scars. He had to die. I had to die for this new life, so I am ok with my scars, no matter how ugly.
My Story
**PLR = positive life radio @ 104.9fm
**FB = facebook
**lol = laugh out loud (in case anyone who doesn't frequent the internet should visit)
(originally began unexpectedly as a posting to PLR's FB, March 25, 2011 for "Faith Filled Fridays" where people call or write in to tell how God is at work in their lives. I wanted to call today but was too chicken :) When I went to check my FB today, the first thing on top of my "news feed" was a posting from PLR asking people to share their story in a comment.......I had to share what God has done for me.......then I copied and pasted and just kept going.....)
I couldn't bring myself to call and actually SAY this...
Until three days ago, I was not a real Christian...I was an "almost Christian." I have only even been going to church for about a year, and I really thought it was "changing" me, but when I sit back and let myself be honest...I have just been going through all the motions...regular church attendance, bible studies, etc...even got baptized in October of last year (hoping I'd come out of the water REALLY different), but I did not KNOW Jesus. I hadn't been fruitful, and I couldn't feel or see God in my life really...well, not much; a little now and then. I was just trying to get there. And I even recently over the past couple months started giving up. Dropped out of going to my women's ministry, then eventually stopped going to church altogether.....(kind of shutting God out.)
**some background on my relationship with my parents, and myself really......i was pretty much an only child. My 3 brothers were all 15+ years older and had already moved out before I started retaining memories. I was a "surprise" I suppose. I have been told my whole life that my parents didn't want anymore kids and that had I been a boy or had any kind of disability (my mom was 45), they would have aborted me. Well, when I came I guess they treasured me, or would SAY so for a few years. I was pretty much the typical straight-A kid all through school. It for some reason never felt like enough though. I never felt like I could do anything "good enough" to make my parents TRULY proud of me. We began to grow apart when I was in H.S. which I just assumed was typical. They hated my boyfriend, and I wouldn't hear about it, lol. I graduated with a scholarship to Gonzaga University, and decided to go into pre-med. They were thrilled!! FINALLY......I was doing what THEY would love and be PROUD of me for. But then I got pregnant. I switched my major to nursing to lighten my load, but eventually I had to drop out after my 3rd semester and therefore forfeit my scholarship. "You are a dirty wh*re! You are a disgrace to this family and you put mud on my ancestors' faces! Don't even come to my funeral!" That was the first thing out of my mom's mouth when I told her. Believe it or not, this was pretty typical of my mother. She is a hot-tempered Korean lady who stands about 5' even, and she has a fury about her that would scare even the devil. She had always said really hurtful things while I was growing up (not just to me, to my dad and brothers too) and then would never talk about it or how it made anyone feel....REFUSED to let me talk about it to her, would just ignore me....and then when SHE decided it was time, she would act like everything was okay. I learned to just go along with it because it was easier. When I was about 5-6 months pregnant is when my mom decided it was time to pretend again that we had a great relationship. She wanted to "be there for the baby." After I had my first daughter, her dad and I split up and I was a single mom doing it ALL alone (emotionally) for about 2 years (with monetray help from my parents). I'm not gonna lie...in those two years I was a great mom during the week and a party-er on the weekends while my daughter went to my brother's house. I did a lot of things (and people) I regret. Then I reconnected with a dear friend from my childhood through good ol' myspace. We got married too fast without knowing each other well enough. Both of us wanted to be "complete" and took it as "fate" bringing us together out of the blue. I believe we were both expecting marriage to "fix" each of us....or give us what we were wanting/missing. Anywhoo, we got married @ The Hitching Post (on a whim... 13 days after first seeing each other face to face...got engaged on day #2) with half of our families missing and in jeans and "nice" shirts, lol, and then proceeded to moved my whole life down to the GREAT (dripping with sarcasm) state of Texas. Right in the armpit of it too.....Ft. Hood. We were playing happy-married-couple-trying-to-have-a-baby for a few months. Then I found out that my new husband had JUST gotten DUMPED my his FIANCE a month or so before marrying ME. Nice... Well, I wanted out. Planned on moving home. Told him I wanted to get a divorce (annulment wasn't an option). Then found out I was pregnant...... YAY! Not really.....TRAPPED. Well, "let's make this work for the baby" was my attitude, and his too. We "tried"......yelling and fighting the whole way. Then he deployed and that is when things totally fell apart. I just knew it was never going to be right with him. I regretted getting married. I moved back home and started the divorce process. During this time (don't judge me) I woke up one day to realize that I was completely in love with Cj. And honestly DID NOT want to be. He was my best friend for over a year. He was the only person I felt like truly cared about me and my feeling without selfish motives. It was too complicated. Life was too much a mess. Anyone reading this can think/say whatever you like....I agonized over my WRONG feelings.....it tore me apart because I still cared about my husband and did not want to hurt him. I just wasn't IN LOVE with him, and knew I never would be. We were never right to begin with. When my divorce was complete, Cj and I moved in together. My parents HATED Cj (they blamed him), and the whole path of my life since H.S. pretty much. They loved my Army (soon to be) ex-husband when they knew NOTHING about him except his rank. (My family is a bunch of ex-military guys.) My mom, during the divorce process, told me that if I went through with it I would no longer be a part of the family. My (closest...at the time) brother and his family stopped talking to me after I told them the truth about my feelings. Everyone was judging me and condemning me and they knew NOTHING of the truth or what I was feeling...and wouldn't really LISTEN to me when I was trying to pour out my heart about it..... they were all just acting off of their own assumptions. I made the decision then to live my life for ME and MY FAMILY and not my PARENTS from that point forward, and things have never really been very good since.** (Please understand that now, 2012, having more perspective....I do not condone close relationships with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship. And I certainly do NOT condone divorce.)
Two weeks ago, after what I considered to be a minor argument compared to usual ones over the years, my parents told me that they did not want to see or talk to me anymore....ever. "Don't come to the house; don't call." It absolutely destroyed me... and my children. Did I pray? No. Did I do anything I have learned the past year??!! NO!! Instead, I allowed the enemy to take me to the deepest, darkest place that I have ever been. I literally laid in bed for days without eating, drinking much, or even going to the bathroom....just rolling side to side, drifting in and out of sleep and losing track of life (please know the kids were being taken care of by people I trust, primarily Cj). I painted the most horrid paintings (ex. "self" portrait.....not yet brave enough to post it publicly...may not ever be), wrote the most painful things, and I did other things I do not even wish to think about. I lost myself....my mind...almost my soul I think. I have been afraid to tell anyone this but Cj, but I was even FEELING the enemy's presence. I could hear sort of menacing half-whispers, and see glimpses of shadows out of the very far corners of my eyes in my room while I was laying there in the quiet, dark. I let my mind go in such a fast downward spiral of self-hate and just EVERY negative emotion, and I let the enemy into my thoughts like never before. (I never even believed the devil could be such a real thing, that it was ever anyone besides myself saying those things in my head.....but during this time, I could feel the difference. Almost like I was surrounded my multiple demons, with different ways of attack and different personalities themselves.)
The following was so of God.
Through FB, a friend from H.S. contacted me out of the blue a few weeks before "the final talk." I was being antisocial kind of (she is a good Christian, and I didn't want that or wasn't ready)....but she sent me uplifting words anyway, and prayed for me, along with my loved ones. I cannot even choose words to describe the moment (yes, real moment like one second!) I literally "snapped out" of my dark place, it would take my whole life to attempt to accomplish. It happened three days ago. I literally came out of my room (which I had locked myself into and everyone out of) a different person. I could for some reason FEEL God's love for ME. It clicked. And I could feel something towards other people that I never have. Empathy. I tend to be a "know it all" and I have an attitude issue that I struggle with because of that. I also have problems listening really and trying to learn from others. For some reason I have been able to see and feel others' perspectives and it has allowed me to actually listen now. I haven't watched tv, and I have talked more with people in the past couple days than probably the past couple months! I believe God transformed my heart.....and now thinking about it, He was only able to because I finally let it be open....I had no choice, it was SO broken. I was.
This was followed by a series of revelations (never thought I'd be able to use this word in application to me) God gave to me that I cannot even type about because it also would take me my lifetime! He just began showing truths to me left and right. Like things started to make sense. How to live a REAL life made sense. I keep saying I feel like I am going to explode with everything God is revealing to me and putting in my heart. The most intense and concrete for me as an academic and science brained person was this...a video post from another friends FB (one that lives states away and used to tell me about Jesus years ago when I wouldn't listen and told her she was silly...I keep reflecting now about our conversations).
Here is different link that I found trying to find the best all encompassing but unbiased link http://www.snopes.com/glurge/laminin.asp
**Please take time to look at this link ad read it......it will make all the rest of this story make SO much more sense :) It also includes the video I mentioned above **
This combined with further reading in Colossians 1:24-27 (esp 26 &27)....
24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25 I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26 the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory,
prompted by my boyfriend (only WISH I was the one who thought of reading more first, lol) has changed me in a way that I can see, feel, taste......I thought all those sayings like "a new creation" and such were metaphors. I can feel it now. This was PROOF. Yup, I said it. SCIENCE MEETS GOD PROOF!!!! Songs speak to me more. God speaks to me more. And I KNOW it is because I am finally opening my heart truly and SEEKING Him. He just had to take me through the trenches to make me see I can trust in Him first above all else, even myself :) I can even worship like never before and raise my hands and sing proudly now! I can be one of those people I used to think was "weird" because it's only me for God when I worship now. Before I always was too shy and worried about others hearing me or judging me. It makes me feel levels of joy I have never experienced. And for a few moments I don't care about what anyone thinks at all.
**FB = facebook
**lol = laugh out loud (in case anyone who doesn't frequent the internet should visit)
(originally began unexpectedly as a posting to PLR's FB, March 25, 2011 for "Faith Filled Fridays" where people call or write in to tell how God is at work in their lives. I wanted to call today but was too chicken :) When I went to check my FB today, the first thing on top of my "news feed" was a posting from PLR asking people to share their story in a comment.......I had to share what God has done for me.......then I copied and pasted and just kept going.....)
I couldn't bring myself to call and actually SAY this...
Until three days ago, I was not a real Christian...I was an "almost Christian." I have only even been going to church for about a year, and I really thought it was "changing" me, but when I sit back and let myself be honest...I have just been going through all the motions...regular church attendance, bible studies, etc...even got baptized in October of last year (hoping I'd come out of the water REALLY different), but I did not KNOW Jesus. I hadn't been fruitful, and I couldn't feel or see God in my life really...well, not much; a little now and then. I was just trying to get there. And I even recently over the past couple months started giving up. Dropped out of going to my women's ministry, then eventually stopped going to church altogether.....(kind of shutting God out.)
**some background on my relationship with my parents, and myself really......i was pretty much an only child. My 3 brothers were all 15+ years older and had already moved out before I started retaining memories. I was a "surprise" I suppose. I have been told my whole life that my parents didn't want anymore kids and that had I been a boy or had any kind of disability (my mom was 45), they would have aborted me. Well, when I came I guess they treasured me, or would SAY so for a few years. I was pretty much the typical straight-A kid all through school. It for some reason never felt like enough though. I never felt like I could do anything "good enough" to make my parents TRULY proud of me. We began to grow apart when I was in H.S. which I just assumed was typical. They hated my boyfriend, and I wouldn't hear about it, lol. I graduated with a scholarship to Gonzaga University, and decided to go into pre-med. They were thrilled!! FINALLY......I was doing what THEY would love and be PROUD of me for. But then I got pregnant. I switched my major to nursing to lighten my load, but eventually I had to drop out after my 3rd semester and therefore forfeit my scholarship. "You are a dirty wh*re! You are a disgrace to this family and you put mud on my ancestors' faces! Don't even come to my funeral!" That was the first thing out of my mom's mouth when I told her. Believe it or not, this was pretty typical of my mother. She is a hot-tempered Korean lady who stands about 5' even, and she has a fury about her that would scare even the devil. She had always said really hurtful things while I was growing up (not just to me, to my dad and brothers too) and then would never talk about it or how it made anyone feel....REFUSED to let me talk about it to her, would just ignore me....and then when SHE decided it was time, she would act like everything was okay. I learned to just go along with it because it was easier. When I was about 5-6 months pregnant is when my mom decided it was time to pretend again that we had a great relationship. She wanted to "be there for the baby." After I had my first daughter, her dad and I split up and I was a single mom doing it ALL alone (emotionally) for about 2 years (with monetray help from my parents). I'm not gonna lie...in those two years I was a great mom during the week and a party-er on the weekends while my daughter went to my brother's house. I did a lot of things (and people) I regret. Then I reconnected with a dear friend from my childhood through good ol' myspace. We got married too fast without knowing each other well enough. Both of us wanted to be "complete" and took it as "fate" bringing us together out of the blue. I believe we were both expecting marriage to "fix" each of us....or give us what we were wanting/missing. Anywhoo, we got married @ The Hitching Post (on a whim... 13 days after first seeing each other face to face...got engaged on day #2) with half of our families missing and in jeans and "nice" shirts, lol, and then proceeded to moved my whole life down to the GREAT (dripping with sarcasm) state of Texas. Right in the armpit of it too.....Ft. Hood. We were playing happy-married-couple-trying-to-have-a-baby for a few months. Then I found out that my new husband had JUST gotten DUMPED my his FIANCE a month or so before marrying ME. Nice... Well, I wanted out. Planned on moving home. Told him I wanted to get a divorce (annulment wasn't an option). Then found out I was pregnant...... YAY! Not really.....TRAPPED. Well, "let's make this work for the baby" was my attitude, and his too. We "tried"......yelling and fighting the whole way. Then he deployed and that is when things totally fell apart. I just knew it was never going to be right with him. I regretted getting married. I moved back home and started the divorce process. During this time (don't judge me) I woke up one day to realize that I was completely in love with Cj. And honestly DID NOT want to be. He was my best friend for over a year. He was the only person I felt like truly cared about me and my feeling without selfish motives. It was too complicated. Life was too much a mess. Anyone reading this can think/say whatever you like....I agonized over my WRONG feelings.....it tore me apart because I still cared about my husband and did not want to hurt him. I just wasn't IN LOVE with him, and knew I never would be. We were never right to begin with. When my divorce was complete, Cj and I moved in together. My parents HATED Cj (they blamed him), and the whole path of my life since H.S. pretty much. They loved my Army (soon to be) ex-husband when they knew NOTHING about him except his rank. (My family is a bunch of ex-military guys.) My mom, during the divorce process, told me that if I went through with it I would no longer be a part of the family. My (closest...at the time) brother and his family stopped talking to me after I told them the truth about my feelings. Everyone was judging me and condemning me and they knew NOTHING of the truth or what I was feeling...and wouldn't really LISTEN to me when I was trying to pour out my heart about it..... they were all just acting off of their own assumptions. I made the decision then to live my life for ME and MY FAMILY and not my PARENTS from that point forward, and things have never really been very good since.** (Please understand that now, 2012, having more perspective....I do not condone close relationships with the opposite sex while in a committed relationship. And I certainly do NOT condone divorce.)
Two weeks ago, after what I considered to be a minor argument compared to usual ones over the years, my parents told me that they did not want to see or talk to me anymore....ever. "Don't come to the house; don't call." It absolutely destroyed me... and my children. Did I pray? No. Did I do anything I have learned the past year??!! NO!! Instead, I allowed the enemy to take me to the deepest, darkest place that I have ever been. I literally laid in bed for days without eating, drinking much, or even going to the bathroom....just rolling side to side, drifting in and out of sleep and losing track of life (please know the kids were being taken care of by people I trust, primarily Cj). I painted the most horrid paintings (ex. "self" portrait.....not yet brave enough to post it publicly...may not ever be), wrote the most painful things, and I did other things I do not even wish to think about. I lost myself....my mind...almost my soul I think. I have been afraid to tell anyone this but Cj, but I was even FEELING the enemy's presence. I could hear sort of menacing half-whispers, and see glimpses of shadows out of the very far corners of my eyes in my room while I was laying there in the quiet, dark. I let my mind go in such a fast downward spiral of self-hate and just EVERY negative emotion, and I let the enemy into my thoughts like never before. (I never even believed the devil could be such a real thing, that it was ever anyone besides myself saying those things in my head.....but during this time, I could feel the difference. Almost like I was surrounded my multiple demons, with different ways of attack and different personalities themselves.)
The following was so of God.
Through FB, a friend from H.S. contacted me out of the blue a few weeks before "the final talk." I was being antisocial kind of (she is a good Christian, and I didn't want that or wasn't ready)....but she sent me uplifting words anyway, and prayed for me, along with my loved ones. I cannot even choose words to describe the moment (yes, real moment like one second!) I literally "snapped out" of my dark place, it would take my whole life to attempt to accomplish. It happened three days ago. I literally came out of my room (which I had locked myself into and everyone out of) a different person. I could for some reason FEEL God's love for ME. It clicked. And I could feel something towards other people that I never have. Empathy. I tend to be a "know it all" and I have an attitude issue that I struggle with because of that. I also have problems listening really and trying to learn from others. For some reason I have been able to see and feel others' perspectives and it has allowed me to actually listen now. I haven't watched tv, and I have talked more with people in the past couple days than probably the past couple months! I believe God transformed my heart.....and now thinking about it, He was only able to because I finally let it be open....I had no choice, it was SO broken. I was.
This was followed by a series of revelations (never thought I'd be able to use this word in application to me) God gave to me that I cannot even type about because it also would take me my lifetime! He just began showing truths to me left and right. Like things started to make sense. How to live a REAL life made sense. I keep saying I feel like I am going to explode with everything God is revealing to me and putting in my heart. The most intense and concrete for me as an academic and science brained person was this...a video post from another friends FB (one that lives states away and used to tell me about Jesus years ago when I wouldn't listen and told her she was silly...I keep reflecting now about our conversations).
Here is different link that I found trying to find the best all encompassing but unbiased link http://www.snopes.com/glurge/laminin.asp
**Please take time to look at this link ad read it......it will make all the rest of this story make SO much more sense :) It also includes the video I mentioned above **
This combined with further reading in Colossians 1:24-27 (esp 26 &27)....
24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25 I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26 the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory,
prompted by my boyfriend (only WISH I was the one who thought of reading more first, lol) has changed me in a way that I can see, feel, taste......I thought all those sayings like "a new creation" and such were metaphors. I can feel it now. This was PROOF. Yup, I said it. SCIENCE MEETS GOD PROOF!!!! Songs speak to me more. God speaks to me more. And I KNOW it is because I am finally opening my heart truly and SEEKING Him. He just had to take me through the trenches to make me see I can trust in Him first above all else, even myself :) I can even worship like never before and raise my hands and sing proudly now! I can be one of those people I used to think was "weird" because it's only me for God when I worship now. Before I always was too shy and worried about others hearing me or judging me. It makes me feel levels of joy I have never experienced. And for a few moments I don't care about what anyone thinks at all.
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